Recently a girlfriend and I were talking about our husbands having guy time. We both want our husbands to have fulfilling time away, yet in the middle of sacrificing we struggle with frustration and hurt. Most of this has to do with our love languages – encouraging words and quality time.
My husband had planned, with college roommates, a sports-heavy weekend extravaganza at their old stomping grounds, Indiana University. The anticipation and coordinating for the weekend lasted several months. It was a rare chance for him to do “guy stuff,” since we are pretty protective of family time.
He is the hardest worker, a beyond-amazing dad, and my best friend. So, my heart was for him to have a great time, soak it in, and give him this gift of an escape. (And my parents offered to visit and help me with Evelyn for a couple days.)
Somehow my heart was sidetracked. In spite of all these right thoughts, the middle of the weekend was hard. I felt mad, jealous, frustrated, and unappreciated. It was ugly. I wanted my good deed to be recognized or at least be matched by my own weekend escape. I wanted to support and encourage him, yet I found myself sunk in selfishness.
Let’s make next time better ::
If it is a gift, give it freely.
My husband gives gifts to me, but they aren’t always equal or at the exact time when I give him something.
Recognize the teamwork.
When one person gets a little escape, appreciate the spouse holding down the fort. My expectations got the best of me in this situation, but – flowers, a note, encouragement valuing a spouse’s sacrifice can go a long way in marriage. Play to their love language. I hope to do a good job of this during busy season, when my husband is spending long hours at work providing for us.
Get through it.
Sometimes time away is hard, but keep moving forward. A weekend without my husband isn’t something I need to love. But I can do the parenting thing alone, looking forward to the next weekend when we will be together.
Maybe for you – your guy heads off on a man-cation, or goes to sporting events, or has a time-consuming hobby. Do you find yourself upset in the midst of giving? How do you make it work?